When you are open to change, when you are willing to be led, when you are willing to be used, when you are willing to accept that which no longer is and embrace what has become, when you know that things are out of your hands and in the hands of someone bigger than you that is Humility! ~Angela Floyd
I could’ve kept going over and over in my mind what plans we had made for P’nut , what he was suppose to do and be. The legacy he was suppose to leave but…
There are times when you just can’t go back to what you used to do, and more times when you can’t go back to who you were! This was one of those times, uncharted waters for me and my family, but if I wanted P’nut to make it a step had to be made!
We had been given his limitations, his boundaries. We had been told all the effects Epilepsy had on social and academic life. We had been told of all the drawbacks… So hmmm, were we basically to treat him like he was normal but not expect much of him? Where do you go with that? When everything is stacked up against you? When the odds are said to not be on your side?
I was going to have to be willing to change my way of thinking, I was going to have to be willing to act a new way! If there needed to be change, if I wanted change it started with me! It had to start with me! There was no way I could expect my son to accept his Epilepsy if I hadn’t fully! Epilepsy was going to be with him the rest of his life, he was not growing out of it! For him there was no cure etc. all the “drawbacks” and limitations and changes they needed to be accepted fully, with no ifs ands or buts about it! These were now going to have to be seen as building blocks, not stumbling and we were going to have to build life around these! Find a way to deal with these on a positive rather than negative! For him to accept and see that everything was going to be alright, we had to show him how!
It was at this time that I was given the concept of E.L.I.T.E. which means:
T.eaching me to be
You see I could no longer expect him to meet requirements and expectations if I wasn’t ready to meet some myself! If I wanted my son to have a chance, if I wanted him to beat the odds… Well I was going have to take the journey with him, and I was going to have to be way more than vocal I was going to have to back it up with action! I knew there were times where he was going to be able to walk, jog and run beside me in the journey, but I also knew there were going to be times where he was going to need me to pick him up carry him to that goal! If I wasn’t willing to train myself and make myself stronger for the journey and this life I was going to be no good for him! This was not something I could put off on anyone else either, I couldn’t wait for someone to show me, I couldn’t wait for someone to teach me… I had to educate myself on everything about Epilepsy so the reading began and the note taking commenced! I was willing to change! I Was open to learn! And Epilepsy was my subject!
When it came to life I had to learn how to see it different, that there was no perfection in it! What man saw as perfect and the guidelines it set on perfection in this life were flawed! That life was not what man created but God and in that all are created equal and all created wonderful! That life and all it’s beauty was not held to one set of rules, but was actually based on each persons uniqueness and ability. Through each individual eye life will have a different take, look and outcome!
I was learning that the past was just that the past and couldn’t be relived! That the present is just that, and needed to be lived in fully for that was the time given! I was learning to live in the moment and that was going to be something he needed to embrace, the here and now! The future was to be left to live in at that time and not before it!
I was having to move out of my comfort zone and be taught by others! I had to be willing to meet and speak with others who knew and lived with Epilepsy and be willing to learn and take from their experiences, so I could be not only a better Mother to P’nut but a better caregiver! The teacher of the house had to be teachable!
I had to stop being the normal mom, making the kids accept me for who and what I was and strive to be so much more for them! I was no longer ok with what I was, they would sometimes say Mommy you’re the best, the best was no longer good enough!
You see life is not about being firm and unmovable; there will be seasons where that is fine and it’s what’s needed, but many more seasons where to survive you have to be willing to change with the circumstances! I thought that I had given my son life by having him, I thought that I was the one who had lessons to teach…but I was wrong!
I have learned Epilepsy just doesn’t affect the person who has been diagnosed with it but it affects all those who love them. You see in my two year journey with Epilepsy ,Life it is Teaching Me to be Exceptional and in turn I turn around and teach my husband and together we turn and teach our son and other children; and then united as a family we teach each other and learn together how to be Exceptional!
E.L.I.T.E. is a circle that continues, it is a ever growing process that you never perfect, because as you complete one level of living it is time to learn a new level and each time there is such an awesome goal you reach a life that is completely fulfilled in every way!