I Don’t Know…But I Do Know!

You’re right I can’t begin to understand what it’s like to have a seizure. I can not begin to relate to the emotions that you go through before one hits and those you experience after! You’re exactly right I have never felt the pain that comes into your head or body after a seizure has had its way.  I have never felt the disappointment of having to cancel plans because a seizure has exhausted every ounce of energy you had. You are right, you are correct, no one knows and can truly understand; unless they themselves have had or have seizures.

Do you want to know what I do know?

I know what it feels like to watch a love one have a seizure. I know the way our heart feels  one moment it’s beating at a normal pace then suddenly it turns to a quick beat and then it’s racing.

I know that, at that moment you have so many thoughts going through your mind, keeping track of time; how long have they been in this seizure?  noting what happened before, what’s going on during; gotta stay calm, Oh Lord keep them safe, what are they thinking ? don’t panic! It’s going to be alright! Is this seizure gonna change their/ our life? how long will they need to bounce back? What if this doesn’t stop? I love them so much, please let it go away, dear Lord why? Why not me? Do they know what’s going on? I feel so helpless, I can’t do anything but wait! You’re mind is pacing.

I know a stomach pain that can feel like it’s twisted in knots as I am waiting for this moment to end. I know there are times where I feel so sick  that throwing up would feel like a relief.

I know the lump that’s at the back of your throat as worry, fear, anguish, strength and calm meet.

I know the strain that comes into your eyes as you try not to blink in case you miss an important moment, knowing the importance of keeping your eye on your love one. I know the sting that can pierce your eyes as you try to keep the tears back. I know how quickly your eyes can fill with  tears like a river overflowing!

I know the tilt of your head slightly backwards as you try to keep the tears from falling, I know the turn of your head as you try to make these tears unnoticeable to the love one experiencing the seizure.

I know the shakiness in the voice and body as you try to re-gather yourself to explain to your love one what just happened, as you explain it’s ok and you are right there with them.

I  do know the sadness that comes over when plans have to be canceled, and you see the look of disappointment in your love ones eyes.

So when you say I don’t know what you go through, you’re absolutely right; No I don’t know, I don’t.

But…I can tell you what I do know and that’s if I could I would take your seizures upon myself so you wouldn’t have to. I do know that for every second you lose to a seizure, those are  minutes of heartache for me! I don’t know the emotions you feel, but I do know the whirlwind  I’ve just experienced! I don’t know your pain but I do know the aching I have when standing by unable to do anything. I know I can’t replace your daily medication, but I know I can give you a dose of laughter and smiles! I know I don’t possess the power of your rescue medications but I do know that:

“No three words have greater power than I LOVE YOU” ~ unknown source

and those are three words I’m more than happy to say!outline purple heart

Lose Not…

There are days when I feel like I’m on top of the world, unconquerable; that this journey of life, the journey of Epilepsy cannot get us (my family) down! Then there are days…days like lately where sighing becomes like breathing, and the joy of days before seem like a million years away! Days where I feel not only as a mom but a caregiver that; all the steps taken , progress made, hopes built, appear to be vulnerable to collapsing! Those are times when “sighing” just doesn’t seem like enough and my mind feels as if everything is at a complete loss! When we tried everything and at that one moment we feel so unsuccessful in our efforts…

         Lose not courage, lose not faith go forward ~Marcus Garvey

In reality there are going to be hard days, days where we are so tired, days where giving up, or saying we can’t do it come so naturally…but…

Lose not courage… don’t be unsuccessful in keeping possession of your ability to do the things you know are difficult or dangerous.

Lose not faith… don’t be deprived of your confident belief in the truth or value. don’t lose possession of your strength, or your unshakeable belief in things; don’t be deprived of your confidence or trust.

Go forward…resume what you were doing and advance to what is ahead!

We have been given a promise:

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” ~1Corinthians 10:13 MSG

In the words of many today “If God brought you to it, he’ll bring you through it!”

Our job is to “Lose not courage, lose not faith, go forward!”