Lose Not…

There are days when I feel like I’m on top of the world, unconquerable; that this journey of life, the journey of Epilepsy cannot get us (my family) down! Then there are days…days like lately where sighing becomes like breathing, and the joy of days before seem like a million years away! Days where I feel not only as a mom but a caregiver that; all the steps taken , progress made, hopes built, appear to be vulnerable to collapsing! Those are times when “sighing” just doesn’t seem like enough and my mind feels as if everything is at a complete loss! When we tried everything and at that one moment we feel so unsuccessful in our efforts…

         Lose not courage, lose not faith go forward ~Marcus Garvey

In reality there are going to be hard days, days where we are so tired, days where giving up, or saying we can’t do it come so naturally…but…

Lose not courage… don’t be unsuccessful in keeping possession of your ability to do the things you know are difficult or dangerous.

Lose not faith… don’t be deprived of your confident belief in the truth or value. don’t lose possession of your strength, or your unshakeable belief in things; don’t be deprived of your confidence or trust.

Go forward…resume what you were doing and advance to what is ahead!

We have been given a promise:

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.” ~1Corinthians 10:13 MSG

In the words of many today “If God brought you to it, he’ll bring you through it!”

Our job is to “Lose not courage, lose not faith, go forward!”

A Time to Dance!

girl and rainI remember growing up, hearing a song by the Beatles called “Turn, Turn,Turn” I loved it! I always thought that no matter how bad things got eventually they would get better, that’s what the song said! As I got older I remember hearing a scripture reading of Ecclesiastes 3 in church; this chapter said everything the song did and it floored me (of course it was explained to me the song was based on this scripture.) There was one verse that would stay in my mind  and that was “A time to mourn and a time to dance!”

As huge times of sadness entered my life from death of loved ones, major life problems etc. this verse became ingrained in my heart. I knew God’s promise of no matter how much I cried, grieved etc. I would get to a point in life where I would be able to dance with joy! I began to live in this promise, to hold onto it! This verse to me said that there would be a time to mourn and then that time would be done; and when it was, a time to dance would take its place!

Now for the past couple of years since my son’s Epilepsy diagnosis; people have prayed for him asking for complete healing of this condition, prayers so strong they made you feel chill bumps! I came to see this time as our “mourning” waiting for the healing which would bring a time of “dancing”.

The other day a quote came my way:

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain! – Vivian Greene

It was at that moment the old dance teacher in me was revived and I  had to say to myself wow what perspective! Dance is an art form, it is in this that the human movement is seen as the medium! This human movement is used as the  medium to convey  senses, understanding, and communicating of ideas, feelings, and experiences. It is believed that dancing helps develop communication abilities, problem solving and critical thinking skills.

So when I saw this quote and thought about my son’s Epilepsy; which the doctors referred to as “electrical storms”… I realized sometimes in life there will be storms that we won’t be able to stop and those that  may never cease! In that case it’s not about waiting for them to pass but it’s learning a new form and way of understanding, a new way of communicating your ideas, feelings and experiences. It is in this new form that we will develop the ability to communicate in the storm, a new way to problem solve in the storm  and we will see our critical thinking skills change to guide us in the midst of the storms…that is where we will begin to dance!

What I realize is that I would love for there to be a time of “mourning” that ends and the beginning of the time of “dancing”, but what I also now know is that; no, life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; Life is indeed about learning to do things differently! To free yourself from what was and freely move in excitement and expectation  to what will be!

We may be surprised because sometimes the storm seems so bad from inside the house but when we step out we learn the rain was the lightest most refreshing thing that touched us! After all, there first must be a storm to receive the rainbow.

So maybe we all need to learn to no longer wait for the storms to pass, but learn to move through them, to dance, be free and to live!

Strength Not of My Own!

” Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”  ~ unknown

In 2006 after years of trying to figure out symptoms and complications that I had been dealing with since in my teens; a doctor was able to pinpoint the problem and I was diagnosed with Wolff- Parkinson- White a heart condition in which the electrical system of the heart is abnormal causing rapid heart rates. With the finding of this and a couple faulty valves my cardiologist wanted me to have surgery. I was to stop some of my current activities till I was able to control my condition a little better; one of them being teaching dance at that time, and the other caring full time for my 2 children. I told my doctor giving those things up was not an option, and I would learn to control these things with diet and increase exercise regime!

After great discipline I was able to control my condition and episodes a lot better, and they soon only came during high stress times.

A couple of years down the line I once again fell ill, dealing with symptoms I had dealt with as a teen/ early adult that no one could diagnosis! I had just had my youngest son and was dealing with intense symptoms and I was seeing my doctor they started running test to see if I had M.S.  and was shortly able to rule that out, but the question still remained what was going on? Shortly after I was diagnosed with Lupus, thrown back into learning how to maintain a proper diet, find the right exercise regime etc.

I struggled to find the right balance and be the healthy person my family needed! I found a rhythm to keeping myself healthy! Another obstacle passed!

Not even a year after my diagnosis we were hit with another obstacle this time my oldest son, he was diagnosed with Epilepsy and I would have to learn to care for him! Even on days where I wasn’t a 100%  I  would have to struggle to fight the pain… to do the things I normally in “sick days” couldn’t do for myself let alone others!

Just this Summer I learned after a hearing checkup that I was losing my hearing and would soon need to be fitted for hearing aids, yet another obstacle to overcome!

When people learn of my story they always worry and ask how do you do it? I can understand if you just went insane, or if you decided to give up! What they don’t know and  never understand is that  On my weakest days, that is when I’m my strongest;  there is  a strength that is beyond my understanding fueling me, pushing me, giving me a power far beyond my natural capabilities! God has taken me in his arms he walks me through the toughest days, the weakest days! On the days I and others may understand if I give up God holds me tighter and blesses me with a strength that is of his own, all He ask in return is that I never give up, that I trust him to hold me and carry me through,  Making me a true testimony of the ‘Footprints in the Sand!”

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walk­ing along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene, he noticed two sets of foot­prints in the sand:

One belong­ing to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,

he looked back at the foot­prints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of his life

there was only one set of footprints

He also noticed that it hap­pened at the very low­est and sad­dest times in his life.

This really both­ered him, and he ques­tioned the Lord about it.

“Lord, you said that once I decided to fol­low you

you’d walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that dur­ing the most trou­ble­some times in my life

there is only one set of footprints.

I don’t under­stand why when I needed you the most you would leave me.”

The Lord replied, “My pre­cious, pre­cious child,

I love you and I would never leave you.

Dur­ing your times of trial and suffering,

when you saw only one set of foot­prints in the sand,

it was then that I car­ried you.”



*Thank you to my brother who shared this quote and touched my heart!